Heart to Heart with Malvika subba

Dear Malvika,
I recently completed my Bachelor’s degree and have started working. I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years and my boyfriend wants me to try for the US but the problem is I have already been rejected twice and I am afraid of failing again. Furthermore if I go to the US, I will have to change my major. My boyfriend is amazing but I am afraid of losing him and my career. What should I do?

Do not lose focus on your career. If you do go to the US for him, and change your major, there might come a time in your relationship where you will blame him for all of this. The want of doing things in a relationship should come naturally. If one has to sacrifice in a relationship , it will haunt the relationship one time or the other. If his plan of staying in the US exceeds long term and you want to be together then you have to come to some consensus on your own. In the mean time, I would suggest you to put focus on your work as you are still in your 20s.  If you still want to give it a try then do try for the US one more time, who knows the third time might be a charm. And by the way, he always has the option of coming back to Nepal, if he wants to be with you, right?

Dear Malvika,
I have completed Master’s in Business Administration and have recently joined Master’s degree in English .I am 26 –year old and since last 4 years I have been working as an admin and finance officer for local NGO. I aim to be a successful entrepreneur and also a good writer.  However my aim and passion aren’t reconciling with my work and job. Sometimes I feel like quitting the job and starting my own venture, but I don’t have enough capital to start it. Money which I earn through my job is only enough to sustain my family. In this scenario what would you recommend for me?

Do you have any specific business idea in mind that you would like to pursue? Starting up a business is no child’s play. And an MBA degree does not guarantee success. It does give you the knowledge, but not the ‘know how’. I would suggest you to work in an entrepreneurship company, as a job at an NGO will not teach you about entrepreneurship. There are various acceleration programs available these days. I would suggest you join them too. I am also the CEO at Idea Studio Nepal, which helps entrepreneurs with mentorship and training. We also have a reality show on entrepreneurship of which the third season application opens this June. If you have any innovative, socially viable and profitable idea, do send us your idea. If you are selected, then you will receive training and guidance and who knows, may be even an investment. You can find us on Facebook.

Dear Malvika,
I have been battling depression for a year. I am under medication and getting better day by day. I am also seeing counselor on a regular basis. My doctor and medicine is helping me but I think I am ready to quit taking medicine now. I talked to my doctor about this and she said if I am confident about my decision then she would recommend me to stop taking anti-depressant. But I feel that I would have hard time coping with the new situation once I stop taking my medication. I know I am better now but I am still confused. What do you think I should do?

The first step in making major decisions is to zero in on one choice. And you have taken that first step. But the fear and what ifs that you are going through at the moment is a normal process. Even when you opt for the choice and move your steps, there will be doubts and insecurity. For you, medicine has become a healing aspect, a support system. I am sure it has done its work too but it has become a part of your life. And it will not be easy to let go. Once you make that decision , give yourself and your body and mind, time, to adjust to the break up. You will be nervous, doubt yourself, be insecure and might panic. But have faith in yourself. Nobody can take that away from you, if you do. And always remind yourself that you are better and it is just a man made medicine. Keep yourself busy with activities, and be happy. Seek some form of exercise and opt for healthy food. A healthy lifestyle makes a healthy mind. I hope this works. All the best!

Dear Malvika,
I am a 30-year old woman and have a 5 year-old daughter. I have been married for 7 years and up until last year my relationship with my husband was amazing. Now, things are really bad between us and we have decided to get a divorce. I earn a decent amount of money and can take care of my daughter by myself if my husband is unwilling to support me financially. The problem is I don’t know how to break this news to my daughter. She loves her father and they have wonderful relationship. But how do I explain it to her that she won’t be living under the same roof as him? I am really worried about the psychological impact it might create on her. Please help me break this news to my daughter.

Congratulations for the courage that you have at the moment to move into a different aspect of life. I can understand the struggle that you are going through. I know of many family members and friends alike who have been in the situation as yours. Informing your child and sharing with them is not easy.

But with children you never know. I think this news should come from both of you together. When children see that the parents are happy separately they do understand. In the beginning, it will not be easy for anyone. It will definitely be the most difficult phase for you, but persevere and have faith. I wish you all the best.

Malvika Subba is a media personality, social activist and former Miss Nepal. She is also the CEO of Idea Studio Nepal.